Do you ever find it hard to ask for what you want or what you need?
In the past, I was infamous for trying to do everything on my own. Asking for help was not apart of my vocabulary. My “do it yourself” attitude consistently left me disappointed when my efforts didn’t match the reward I was working towards. I always seemed to come up short. It wasn’t until I made the word: ASK, my word of the year – that is when I saw a shift in my thinking.
I decided to be bold and begin changing the assumptions I had about asking for help. It wasn’t soon after I made that decision that I realize my “do it yourself” attitude went again a few of my core values: Teamwork, collaboration, and trust. Maybe you can relate?
Do you have a vision for advancing your career but you are afraid to ask for the training, promotion or the raise that will get you there. Or do you find it hard to ask for what you need in your intimate relationships, burying your true desires and wishes. You may even find your inability to ask affect the small things in life. Like, choosing not to stop the waitress to ask her for ketchup for your fries when it looks like she might tear her hair out, she is so busy.
4 assumptions we make when we don’t ask: (Please add yours to the comments below this blog post. I would love to hear from you!)
- They will think I am stupid/ignorant.
- They will reject me.
- Their opinion is more important than my wants and needs.
- My request may burden or inconvenience him or her.
How to find YES in every NO!
- Asking for what you need and what you want shows your humility and compliments the person you are asking. When you ask someone for something, you show your trust and adoration in their ability to share information or get the job done. People who work in collaboration reach their goals faster. Don’t discount what you are offering the person you ask.
- Understand the odds of rejection. In sales, the “ask” is a math equation to by solve, not an emotional conquest. Research shows that for every eleven no’s a sales person will get one yes. Remember: Math not emotion.
- Timing is everything when you are asking for something. Don’t take a no, personal. Remain thankful and optimistic. Believe that the person would help you if they were in the position to do it. You are that cool!
- If you are a person who is generous in service to others, trust that those you have surrounded yourself with are the same. Your requests would never be a burden, only a joy to fulfill.
Lastly, if the door to your dreams is closed, go through the window. Tweet this NEVER GIVE UP! You were made for greatness!
I would love to hear your thoughts on, Finding the YES in every NO. Please don’t hesitate to share your stories or comments below.
If you found this blog helpful or encouraging, it would be the greatest complement to me if you shared it on your social networks. Thank you for helping build our community!
In life and leadership,
Angela
Angela Howard
June 17, 2015I LOVE this post! I’ll add to the “assumption” list–You will ask for what you want and the person won’t have the capacity or desire to give it to you and you will be disappointed. I decided to take risk the disappointment lately and have discovered the opposite to be true. Unfortunately that assumption has kept me from asking and often even identifying my emotions or desires. Not anymore! I’m taking more risks and asking for a God-sized vision for life, leadership and family! Thank you Angela for articulating this whole process. Beautiful!
Angela L Craig
June 17, 2015Disappointment is another assumption that keeps us from asking for what we need. I am so glad you wrote about this. Thank you for sharing your personal experience. It makes a difference!
Doris
June 17, 2015In the last year I have learn to ask for many things. I have received many more yeses than nos and many have done for me things that I hadn’t even ask for. We live in a fallen world but not everybody in it is fallen. God is good to come alongside us even when we don’t ask but don’t sit around waiting when you can ask.
I see in your blog areas in the past where I have not asked and spent a lot of time feeling sorry for myself because I was to proud to ask, just expecting others to see the need and do something about it. W
hy do we let ourselves fall into those traps?
Angela L Craig
June 17, 2015Thank you so much for sharing, Doris. Waiting for people to read our minds or in-between the lines in another assumption that stops us from asking and can also leave us bitter or offended. I know I have been there. Such great insight! Thank you for writing!