The Cure for my Disillusion

When God called me to ministry leadership, I knew I had truly found purpose in life. The opportunity to have a vocation where people gather together for life transformation that becomes world changing. For me, it is better than Disneyland.

Ministry was never a place I thought I would encounter discrimination. I knew Jesus and had read the scriptures. Neither promoted exclusive behavior. In fact, both Jesus and scripture spoke against it. They called for a community of love, unity, encouragement, grace and acceptance.  A community where every person knew they were chosen by God before the foundation of the earth to be an intricate and meaningful part of the Church.

So when discrimination happened to me I was dumbfounded. When I looked around me, it seemed there were two ways women in ministry responded to gender inequality.

1. She grabbed the nearest battle axe and enter the war for equal rights and gender equality, OR
2. She fell into a passive silence that slowly ate away at her calling until she quit.

My critical thinking skills have taught me, when you witness two extreme options, there is usually a third possibility. The problem was I found it hard to see through the thick of confusion caused by the stronghold of discrimination that began to encompass my thoughts. I was hurt by people I thought I could trust. Christian people who had broken my rules of relationship by championing my male co-equals in training, opportunity, and pay while I sat seemingly invisible at the same table with the same credentials and title. My preoccupation with discrimination turned into disillusion – An unhealthy fixation on what I didn’t have instead of what I did have. My overwhelming need to be released from the pain of rejection was leading me to lose sight of my calling and the dreams God had set before me. My desire to prove to others I was good enough for the job was stealing my joy and leaving me snared in the trap of discontentment. Yes, I questioned the actions of others, but mostly I questioned myself. What credentials was I missing? What about skills? Knowledge? Experience? How can I communicate with more intention my desire to contribute? Maybe I heard God wrong? I love to teach, maybe I should have gone to school to be an elementary school teach. Children don’t discriminate.

Galatians 1:10 (NIV) says, “Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.”

My preoccupation with injustice, disenchantment, and discontentment were completely self-focused, not God-focused. I needed a cure. I needed a third option as a woman called to ministry leadership, one that didn’t include an axe or quitting.

The cure for my disillusion:

1. Confession. Discrimination is real. If it has happened to you, admit to God that you are hurting. If your discontentment has overtaken your ability to remember God’s calling on your life – tell Him! Don’t take on the world by yourself and please don’t take out a front page advertisement on women inequality in the church (this helps no one). Simple talk to God about where you are feeling stuck. Ask God to carry your burdens and give you wisdom on how to accomplish your calling inside or outside any barriers put in your way. Barriers created by man are no match for God’s will when He decides it is His time.
2. Extend grace. Most of the discrimination I have experienced has been unintentional. The problem is, breaking the bondage of discrimination takes intentional living, awareness, reflection and dialogue. Every human has stereotypes and ideas about how the world works best. We are all in process. For example, when I first started going to church, I didn’t like it when women preached. It was uncomfortable. I assumed since I had only seen men as pastors, there must be something wrong with women leading. I was wrong. I discriminated against those women in my mind and in conversation with others. The best thing we can do when someone has hurt us, is to confess our pain and then extend the grace of forgiveness that we have been extended.
3. Turn a grumbling heart of discontentment into thanksgiving. It is easy to be focused on what you don’t have and miss the opportunities God is placing right in front of you. A heart of gratitude is the cure for discontentment.
4. Stop waiting. Stop waiting for other people’s approval, promotion or permission to walk in your calling. Our Network Team Leader, Don Ross spoke the following words at our credentialed women’s luncheon at Network Conference. I will never forget them. “Quit waiting for a man to give you permission. The only man who counts has already given you permission, and his name is Jesus!”
5. Take action. In his latest book, Intentional Living: Choosing a Life That Matters, John Maxwell writes: “If your story isn’t as meaningful or significant or compelling as you want it to be, you can change it.” The Bible teaches us, If God is for you, who could be against you? (Romans 8:31) If you are called, there is nothing that can stop you. Take action!

If you have been disillusioned by discrimination I want you to know, you are not alone. Decide today that you will not let it chase your God-given dreams away. You were made for greatness!

I would love to hear your thoughts on, The Cure to my Disillusion. Please don’t hesitate to share your stories or comments below.

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Until next time, have an incredible week!

Angela