The Art of Being a Woman: Why Women Won’t Go {Week Eight}

It all began when my husband returned from his annual mountain biking trip. During a reunion dinner of storytelling, rehashed crash descriptions and a declaration of lost manhood found after a Heli (helicopter) Drop with bikes and man, one of the husbands asked why we wives wouldn’t take a weekend away for ourselves. Silence rang its loudest bell around the table as we stared at each other grasping for something intelligent to say. We all knew the answer ran much deeper than: “I have a lot of laundry to get done.” There were many other profounder resounding reasons why we didn’t want to leave our children, husbands, and home for a weekend get-a-way.

Knowing this, my only witty comeback at the time was: “I don’t need to go because I am not looking to re-claim my manhood.”

But what am I trying to re-claim?

Inner freedom, peace, purpose, meaning in life, authentic friendship. These are things I long for, strive for, and believe in…in-between the piles of laundry and endless to-do list.

As I pondered this dinner conversation, I decided the best thing to do was to ask some of my mom friends there opinion about this dilemma. I asked: What holds you back from taking time for yourself? And the opposing question: If you feel comfortable planning care-time for yourself, what motivates you to go and how do you plan it?

The number one reason why women don’t go: Guilt.

First, moms are responsible and competent people. If you are a mom, you know what I am talking about. Nobody can organize, clean, get kids to school and activities on the right day and at the right time, all while balancing dinner plates on her head. Second, moms do not like to ask for help. It would be a sign of weakness, or incompetence as a mother. (You thought men were bad about asking for directions.)

The second reason women don’t go: Identity.

If our worth is only shaped by our ability to perform as a mother or wife, we will never understand that the greatest gift we give others is to know ourselves through the eyes of God. If we understand our identity in Christ, we will desire to mimic his behavior. Simply put: Jesus got way!(See Luke 4:42 & 5:16 for examples.)

As a mother, I feel I was created for caring and serving others. But a mother without a time to recharge becomes a dead battery. Have you ever tested a battery by touching it to your tongue? If it is dead, it has a real bitter taste. I don’t want to be a bitter-dead battery to my family, friends, and community. I want to be a women who is filled with passion for life, love, kindness, and grace. Those are traits of a woman who takes care of herself and takes care of her soul.

If you haven’t taken time for yourself, take the leap.

It will feel awkward. There is no way around it. You have selflessly served without a break and it will not feel natural to take a break. You will be like a train jumping the tracks, but I promise the road is a good one!

One great opportunity to get away is our upcoming NW Women’s Conference on March 11-12th at Cedar Park Church in Bothell, WA. It is literally, less than 24 hours but will feel like a week of refreshment to your soul! Bring a friend or make new friends! I promise you, you will not regret it! You can register online or in person: www.hervoice.us

It will take effort. Just the thought of planning your get-a-way may have your stopped dead in your tracks. I won’t lie to you, it will take work to organize your time away. But think of everything in your life that has ever had meaning…it took effort, it was work, it might have even been painful. Hmmm…sounds like child-birth! Completely worth it!

There will be fear that things will not be the same without you. I can guarantee you this will be true and this is a beautiful thing. Children, husbands, and care-givers have the opportunity to grow and explore outside your world and so do you!

The reward will be great! Self-care will provide you with the solitude and silence that renews your mind and spirit, giving you strength for days you need extra patience, love, and grace for those around you.

Take the leap with me. Look at your calendar right now. Even if the first opening is in six months, circle it in your favorite color! If you don’t want to go alone, call or email a friend to plan your adventure or spiritual retreat. And lastly, trust that those who have the privilege to care for your family and home in your absence will be blessed in immeasurable ways.

You can do it!

 I would love to hear your thoughts on, The Art of Being a Woman: Why Women Won’t Go {Week Eight}. Please don’t hesitate to share your stories or comments below. If I can encourage you through coaching or prayer, please connect with me.

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Until next time, have an incredible week!

Angela