WAIT! What’s a phubber?
Phubbing is a term created by the combination of the words phone and snubbing. It refers to a person interacting with their phone (or other device) rather than interacting with a human being. 1
I will admit it; I am a recovering phubber.
In our house, we have a rule. If there is a human present, your phone is not.
Sadly, I was the first to break this rule. I had (what I thought were) legit reasons. I am a church planter; I am a pastor of an online church. (Did I tell you, our church is open 7 days a week, 24 hours a day?) People need me. I have responsibilities. The list is long.
Looking back, I realized this pattern of phubbing started many years before I ever planted a church. I was the parent on the sidelines of my kid’s baseball game with one hand on my phone and the other in the air cheering the team on to victory. I was the person who took my phone into the bathroom. I was the person in the work meeting toggling back and forth between our meeting agenda, email and Facebook. All of this was done in the name of multi-tasking, efficiency, and my resolve to be…let be honest, Super Woman.
The phone became a classic compulsion. Like Pavlov’s dog experiment, I, a human, was being conditions to perform on cue. I could multi-task like no one else, answering emails, listening to audio books, while checking in with friends and family online. In meetings, I could type on my phone or computer, and at the same time nod my head in the direction of the person who was speaking, pretending I heard what they were saying. It was a rush.
Who did I think I was fooling? Apparently, no one but myself. In all of it, I wanted to believe, I was outside the norm of the average phubber; somehow mastering the skill of divided attention. I was wrong.
The beginning of the end of phubbing for me happened when my husband commented on my phone use. My response was defensive. “What about your phone?” I said. “How about you go first!” Then I would ask God to be part of my charade: “God, what do you think of this??? Huh? My husband is trying to take the splinter out of my eye when he has a plank the size of Georgia in his!!!”
In further discussion with God, I found the truth. I was way off course and God encouraged me to re-direct if I wanted to sustain and nourish the most important relationships of my life. I knew I had to repent and apologize.
Are you wondering if you are a phubber?
The first step to find out is to ASK SOMEONE. Yucky and hard, but worth it.
Awareness is key to recovering one-on-one connection and communication.
Second, keep an open dialogue with people closest to you about the positives and negatives of technology. This will help you detect changing awareness of how technology is forming identities and changing your lives.
Lastly, instate boundaries that safeguard your family, your work, and yourself.
Ideas, questions? Type them in the comments below.
1 Phubbing. Definition retrieved from: https://www.techopedia.com/definition/29613/phubbing
What do you think?