CREATING HEALTHY CULTURE AND RELATIONSHIPS FOR MEN & WOMEN IN LEADERSHIP

“Culture is invisible but determinative. You can’t see it, but it defines so much.”       – Carey Nieuwhof

For years, I was a part of an invisible culture that determined my path.

As a woman, I was taught that healthy and successful families were ones where the mom stayed home and the dad went to work.

I saw this as a positive model.

After all, my parents were divorced. My mom was a single mom who worked long hours to provide shelter and food for me. Surely it would be better for a mother to stay at home if it was possible.

…But then, God called me into ministry leadership.

At the time our church had no visible female role models in leadership, yet our denomination credentialed women based on “the Bible as the final authority” on the matter.

With my husband and family support (our sons were ages two and four), I decided to go back to school for a BA in ministry leadership with the goal of becoming an ordained minister with the Assemblies of God.

That was sixteen years ago. I am now one of two female lead pastors and church planters in our denomination’s Northwest Ministry Network of 340 churches.

During this sixteen-year ministry journey, it has been rare that anyone challenged me in a theological argument about the validity of women in leadership. I actually think that would have been easier at times. It was the invisible barriers of unconscious or implicit bias and stereotypes – both mine and others ­­­- that created obstacles to accomplishing the mission of a purpose-driven healthy organization.

To accomplish the mission of God, we must change by creating a healthy culture of men and women working together for our common purpose—to make Jesus known.

That requires two things: Awareness and organizational strategies.

Awareness

First, consider this riddle: A father and his son are in a car accident. The father dies at the scene and the son is rushed to the hospital. At the hospital the surgeon looks at the boy and says “I can’t operate on this boy, he is my son.” How can this be?

How did you answer?

Somewhere in our subconscious—so deeply buried that we are not aware of it—most of us associate women with families and men with careers. We all see life through a filter. And sometimes, that filter in dirty. Years ago, I was challenged by a teacher to take the Implicit Association Test (IAT). It a well-respected tool designed by Harvard to uncover hidden biases about everything from race to gender to age. I was surprised to find I held many more stereotypes that I care to admit. Let me know what you find.

Second, create a “listening room”. A listening room isn’t necessarily a physical space; it is an ongoing conversation about your organizational culture. In order to change the culture of your organization, you must understand it. That means creating a safe environment that invites people into conversations about tough subjects: like men & women in leadership. It is tempting to host a one-time diversity training or send your team to an inclusion conference. That is a good start but it is not the sustained conversation your organization needs to change. In fact, one-off meetings or trainings are proven to create more organizational silence that keeps your team stuck. The time you invest in your “listening room” will create the vulnerability and trust you need to move your organization forward.

Third, consider your values. Organizations act on what they value. Does your church tell the world you value equipping men and women as coworkers for the mission of God? A good way to know what you value is to answer this question: Our church does _____________ because we value _________________. The first blank is WHAT you do. The second blank (your values) is WHY you do it. ¹

Organizational Strategies

“When systems change, behaviors change. When behavior changes, the church’s culture follows suit.” Stephen Blandino

Be intentional in your HR strategy to hire women, empower women, and pay women.

Currently, church leadership teams are white male dominant. This is understandable. When you only mentor men, you will naturally recommend men for the leadership pipeline. It takes intention to equip women based on strengths and calling instead of gender. I remember a time in ministry that I was promoted to a director role. At that time, all directors sat on the executive team. Even though I held the same title, I was not asked to be a part of the executive team meetings. I approached the leader of our organization with the question. He said, with all sincerity, “I am sorry I didn’t ask you to join us, I didn’t want to over burden you with extra hours that would take you away from your family.” Lesson: Don’t assume. Ask. Invite.

Focus on the mission, not the gender, by creating healthy boundaries that work for your organization. If it was not for male mentorship and sponsorship in my life, I would not be a lead pastor of an online church of over 12,000 followers. Why not, you ask? Because there are no female lead pastors of online churches of 12,000 to mentor me. Whether male or female, have integrity, meet in public, keep your office door open, or meet as a group. Do not allow fear to override good judgement and kingdom progress.

A healthy culture begins by empowering every person for God’s mission, teaching each to be obedient to our call to the great commandment and the great commission.

Notes:

¹Blandino, Stephen (2019). 8 Words that Define Your Churches Culture. Retrieved on June 13, 2019 from: http://stephenblandino.com/2010/11/8-words-that-define-your-churchs.html 

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